Don't Mess With Buttons You Know Nothing About
by MauMauKa
Summary: Clay meddles with something he shouldn't


**Don't Mess With Buttons You Know Nothing About**

_**This story is the brainchild and is dedicated to my dear friend durronswife, a Losers fan and awesome writer! -maumauka**_

They were ready. Nearly all the gear was packed and loaded for the next day except for Jensen's laptop and a few other gadgets that would have to go in at the last minute. All the pieces and parts of the hacker's impressive electronic arsenal were organized, except...

Caly frowned as he picked up the small silver object. It was clearly a remote of some kind, but to what? It had a single button, and when Clay pushed it, nothing happened. A little red light went on and that was all.

Clay aimed the tiny remote at Jensen's laptop and pushed the button. Nothing. The laptop remained on.

He tried some of the other electronic equipment. Still nothing.

Maybe it went to something inside the house. Clay went inside, still frowning, and even though he really didn't think it went to the TV, he aimed the remote and clicked it anyway.

The TV stayed dark. Clay tried the battered VCR. Nope.

"What the fuck?" he muttered to himself. Maybe it went to something in the kitchen? Dubiously, Clay tried the remote on the microwave and wasn't surprised when it didn't work.

"What you doin' boss?" Pooch ambled into the kitchen with a large gym bag slung over one shoulder.

"Any idea what the hell this goes to?" Clay held up the remote.

Pooch took the small silver object from Clay and studied it. He wasn't sure, but it almost looked like...no, it couldn't be. Surely nobody in their group was bringing stuff like _that _along on their missions.

"I don't know" Pooch clicked the remote several times then shook his head. "No idea, but..."

"But what?"

"Well...I don't wanna get all up in your business, but have you asked Aisha?"

"Aisha?"

"Yeah. 'Cause it looks kind of like something I bought Jolene the last time I was on leave."

"And what was that?"

"Vibrator panties."

Clay looked at Pooch as if the younger man had carrots growing out of his hears. With a blush that was visible beneath his dark skin, Pooch explained, "It was her idea, see, but she was too embarrassed to go buy them herself. The panties have one of those vibrator things in them and a remote. She was gonna wear the panties while I held onto the remote. The fun is not knowing when the other person is gonna buzz you."

Clay cleared his throat. "Good idea. But _I_ didn't buy Aisha anything like that."

Pooch shook his head. "Well I dunno, man. Maybe she just has them, you know? Bought them before she met you?"

Clay turned the remote over in his hands. "It's possible. Have you seen Aisha?"

"She's loading some of the guns. I'll go get her."

When Pooch returned, Aisha took the remote from Clay and nodded. "It's a remote control for a sex toy, all right, but it isn't mine."

"Then who...?"

"Only one way to find ou.t" Aisha pushed the button down and held it. A scream of agony ripped through the tiny apartment. The Losers looked at each other and bolted towards the back rooms. Cougar came bursting out of the hall bathroom, gun already drawn, nearly crashing into Pooch. "Jensen", the sniper said grimly.

Aisha stared at him for a moment, and something clicked in her head. "Weapons down, boys."

Everyone except Cougar obeyed, but she hadn't really expected him to. Anyone with half a brain could see that their young computer hacker was a major concern of his.

Aisha knocked on Jensen's door. "Jensen? You okay in there _bebé_?"

No answer. She put her ear to the door. Soft sobbing was coming from inside the room. "Jensen? I'm coming in, okay?"

Carefully, she eased the door open. The young tech was curled in a ball on his side with his face in his hands. He was naked except for a pair of black briefs.

Black _leather _briefs.

Cougar put his gun away and came around the front of the bed to kneel in front of his friend. "Jens? _Es usted daños?_ Talk to me."

"It's okay!" Jensen gasped in a tear-choked voice. "I'm okay. You can all go away now."

"No." The sniper shook his head. "_Qué sucedió? Dígame._"

Jensen groaned and pulled one of the bed pillows over his head. "It's _nothing_. Please, just let me-"

"Are you sick, soldier?" Clay's stern voice broke in. "Do we need to take you to the hospital?"

"Oh God, no!"

Aisha's sharp eyes picked up something on the wall near the bed. The wall was wet. She looked again at Jensen's unusual underwear and turned to Clay. "I'll take care of him. Hand me that remote and the rest of you step outside."

"If he's sick, Aisha-"

"-He isn't, I promise. Now get out."

"No." Cougar crossed his arms and stared at her.

"Okay. _You_ stay, but the rest of you, _vaya!_"

Clay nodded after a moment and left the room with Pooch following after him. Aisha set the remote on the bedside table. "You really shouldn't have left this lying around, Jensen"

"I didn't mean for Clay to find it" the hacker mumbled from beneath his pillow. Aisha turned to Cougar. "You knew about this?"

Cougar's tan skin had gone a definite shade of pink. He cleared his throat. "_Sabía que él los tenía."_

"It was supposed to be a surprise. _Jesus_...how'm I ever gonna look Clay in the face again? And Pooch! He'll never let me forget this as long as I live."

"Don't worry, _bebé._ You just get in bed and rest. And take those things off." Aisha turned her back so that the operation could be completed in private. Behind her, Cougar had started to chuckle. "Godamnit, Cougs! It ISN'T funny!" Jensen groaned.

"Okay" Cougar said. Aisha turned back around. Jensen was tucked beneath the covers while Cougar was examining the briefs. They had a slit fly and were still vibrating faintly. They were also pretty much ready for the garbage can, unless Cougar knew a really good stain remover.

"You gonna stay with him?" she asked. Cougar nodded.

"Try not to wear him out, okay? He's had enough for one day."

An lazy grin curled the sniper's mouth. "_No prometo nada."_

Aisha left the room and went back down the hall, shaking her head. Clay was waiting in the kitchen. "Well? Want to tell me what that was all about?"

Aisha snorted. "The only thing I have to say, Colonel, is don't mess with buttons you know nothing about."

~Fin~

_**Es usted daños?= **_**Are you hurt?**

_**Qué sucedió? Dígame.**_**What happened? Tell me.**

_**Sabía que él los tenía.= **_**I knew he had them.**

_**No prometo nada. = **_**I promise nothing.**

**-all translations by babelfish.**


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